George Santos Claims Arraignment Conflicts with His Role in N.B.A. Playoffs

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Representative George Santos told reporters that he would be unable to face federal charges in New York City because of his ongoing role in the N.B.A. playoffs.

“We’re looking at a pivotal Game Five against the Golden State Warriors and now is not the time to let up,” Santos, who claimed to play small forward for the Los Angeles Lakers, said.

The New York congressman brushed aside talk that another trip to the N.B.A. finals could cement his legacy as the greatest professional basketball player of all time.

“Right now, the most important thing to me is bringing the N.B.A. championship trophy back to Los Angeles,” he said. “Anyone who tells you different is a liar.”